Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
