Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
