Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
