i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
