covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
