Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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