people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
