is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
