dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
