that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
