I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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