I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
