So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
