would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
