Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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