I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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