I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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