Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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