youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
