she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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