Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
