A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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