he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
