I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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