i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
