Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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