I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
