As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
