I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
