I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
