the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
