Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
