1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
