i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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