I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just cropdusted the office
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
