I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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