I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want her autograph on my taint
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
