just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
