Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
