How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
