Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
