just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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