never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
