Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
