I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize