Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
