gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
