Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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