I could make wine with my vomit
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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