his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
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The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
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I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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