I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
