So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
