Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize