I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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