You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
