just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
