i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
