my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Banned from zoo.
Again?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
