When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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