yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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