Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
