Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
