Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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