A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
