Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
