dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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