so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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