how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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