there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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