Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
