dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
