I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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