I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
