i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
