Porn is love you can see.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
