and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
