Yo dont text me then not text me
I want to make a zoo with you.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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