Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Please, let me fuck your mom
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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